AwkWord Advice: Dating Don'ts, for boys. Because they try...

At the age of 27 (I'm 22 on the inside though) I have dated a LOT.  A good friend once told me "you date more than anyone I know..."  Yeah, I try on a lot of pairs of shoes and don't buy them.  I'm picky, indecisive, and I have met some total freaks. More on that later...

For now, I want to lay out some advice for men in the dating world, especially online dating. So many men on these sites are deserving of love, they're just too damn awkward to get there. So I have rounded up a list of things NOT to do, because sometimes when it comes to dating, the don'ts count more than the do's, at least at first..
PS: all things listed here have been done to me by some poor creature just trying to make it in the Match.com world...I pray for their little awkward souls...


DON'TS:


DO NOT: Text a girl an hour after the first date, saying how great she was.  Then five minutes later, text her again, and again and again. This creates an air of desperation and of being rather psychotic...wait a day or two. It's good to keep some mystery alive until you meet again. Being over-excited makes it look like you haven't gotten action in years and you sit at home with your cats watching The Bachelor. 

DO NOT: compliment a girl over and over on different parts of her physique. One compliment per date goes a LONG way, fellas. If you keep pointing out her beauty, pretty soon you will find yourself complimenting a chair because more than likely the poor girl will get tired of you harassing her with your eyes and make an excuse to leave. Which brings me to my next DON'T...


DO NOT: compliment a random body part because you don't find this particular girl all that attractive so out of desperation you want to try and make her feel good about herself and you compliment her hands. her hands. It's okay, we won't go jump off a cliff in the manner of Bella Swan because you don't really like us, we will get over it. (The ones who don't need therapy, anyway.)


DO NOT: assume that we do not Facebook stalk you before or after a date. We are curious creatures and with an avenue like the internet we are better investigators than Sherlock Holmes. Most Facebook profiles are private but if yours contains visible images of any of the following things, it is an immediate turn- off:


1. pictures of just you, by yourself, alone, ALL OF THEM -this makes it look like you don't have any friends...
2. pictures of Jesus. pictures of Jesus arm wrestling Satan. pictures of Jesus doing anything. We get it, your dating profile probably states that you are religious, which is fine for most girls, but unless you're on Christian Singles. com, we don't need to know that Jesus is one of your Facebook buddies...

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3. pictures that you took of yourself in the bathroom mirror with your cellphone and showing off your abs. sorry, automatic douche. 
4. multiple pictures of you with other attractive women. This is not a "turn on"- it screams player who has a complex about himself and has to be surrounded by attractive females in order to feel cool. it's not. we're a little jealous, if we like you, and want to rip their hair out. we're GIRLS and we're freakin' bitches.


Manage your Facebook, fellas...


DO NOT: tell a girl you "don't get out much", or give the impression that you don't have a lot of friends. Sure, girls love attention, but despite the rumors, we don't want a clinger on our hands. You know, the type that sits at home thinking about his girlfriend while she's out with her gal pals, texting her every ten minutes and waiting for her at the door like a puppy. This is so unattractive. We WANT you to be a guy and hang out with your buddies every once in a while. Drink, Go Crazy. (Don't even think about cheating because we will find out, and we will kill you).


DO NOT talk about your divorce on the first date, or anything awkward or heavy. The first date is supposed to be light-hearted and easy going.


DO NOT keep telling a girl she makes you nervous OVER and OVER again. Not on any universe is this attractive...


DO NOT keep contacting a girl if she has stopped talking to you after one or two dates. I'm sorry, she's just not interested any more. Saying "hey, where are you? I haven't heard form you in a while, are you not interested anymore??" Read the book "He's Just Not That in to You, and reverse the gender roles there. It works both ways.


DO NOT kiss an inanimate object then give it to her and tell her you kissed it. This is a long embarrassing story and I just don't have the mental capacity to accept that has happened. JUST DON'T DO IT!


Feel free to pass this on to any single male in your life. You will be his hero.