Me, Myself and I

ME IN GENERAL:

One thing to you need to know about me: NERD. Yes, I fit just about every definition of it. A few examples:

and your, you're; to, too, its, it's;..DO NOT PLAY WITH MY HEAD!

Obviously, the world would end.

Also, I'm a Gemini. I don't really follow astrology, but sometimes I just fit the bill.

Like if you use "there" in place of "their", I probably won't trust you like, ever.

ME AT WORK:

ergophobia:
Part of Speech:	n
Definition:	a fear of work

Or in my case, my work environment, and how I completely lack any brain or muscle coordination while I'm there. It's crazy. I wake up every morning thinking Please don't let me say something stupid, or do something stupid.

I arrive with my morning coffee, part of it which is inevitably on my shirt, and I have to avoid stumbling in to walls. You read that correctly: I stumble.Into.Walls....daily. 

I mean it, this is a serious problem. Add that to the fact that I don't fit in AT ALL. Meaning, I can't relate to pack of 50+ women wearing moomoos and talking about fried things, creepy dolls and Dr. Phil all day. By the end of the week I feel like Wednesday Addams at a Muppet Convention.

MY TYPICAL DAY:

7:45 a.m.  HOLY SHIT that is a lot of emails.

11:15 a.m.  Why do I smell like old gym shorts? (already?)

1:30 p.m. that bitch talking about me? (most likely..)

2:55 p.m.  OMG is that HUMMUS in my hair? 

Sad, isn't it? All the while my coworkers think I'm a lunatic vegetarian who isn't married?!

Listen, ladies, I like to take my time with important matters of the heart, and if you were reading this blog, you would soon find out why my extraordinary dating life has kept me fearing the wedding band of eternity like the Blue Waffle plague. (it's a real thing. DO NOT look it up!)

A quick word of advice:

When your company owner and CEO is planning to visit on a particular day, do not forget he is visiting and stuff your face with mixed nuts the moment he walks up to you to introduce himself. The peanut smile is NOT a good look for ANYONE.

4:30 p.m. EVERY DAY

ME WITH MY FAMILY:


My parents swear I'm not adopted. Then sometimes I catch them staring at me, as if they are wondering the possibility that they might have taken the wrong baby home from the hospital... 




It's a possibility...

ME WITH MY FRIENDS:

... enough said. poor girls :(